Independent opinions

“MARRIAGE” in software terms

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst [Marriage Software Division]:

Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of memory space and valuable resources. This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure.


Wife 1.0

In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself unto all other programs and launches during system initialization and then it monitors all other system activities. Applications such as ‘Boys Night Out 2.5′ and ‘Golf 5.3’ no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected ‘Soccer 6.3′ always fails and ‘Shopping 7.1’ runs instead.


Boys Night out now crashes

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications, be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to ‘Girlfriend 7.0’, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help me?


Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually Wife 1.0 is an operating system designed by it’s creator to run everything on your current platform. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems . [See manual under Alimony/ Child support and Solicitors’ fees].


Wife 2.0 wil complicate your life further

Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can.
When any faults or problems arise whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc* Key for it will freeze the entire system. It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it,consider buying additional software such as ‘FLOWERS 2.0’ and ‘CHOCOLATES 5.0’ or ‘HUGS\KISSES 600.0’ or ‘TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0’ or even ‘Eating out with the kids 7.2.1’ [If child processing has already began].


Additional Software: Flowers 2.0

Do not under any circumstance install ‘Secretary 2.1’[Short Skirt Version] or ‘One Nightstand 3.2 [AnyMood Version] , as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

Credit to Mr. Addai Francis, for the original composition


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